Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
