I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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