the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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