And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
