The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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