That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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