Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
