There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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