Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
