I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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