I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
