We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
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