Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Randomize