thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
