i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Randomize
