he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
