Christians are straight up FREAKS
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
