There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
