im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got inside last night via doggy door
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
You left your phone here
Wait...
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