I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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