Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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