So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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