im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
