can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
