I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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