OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
