i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
