I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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