i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
