Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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