Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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