oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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