dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
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