This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
