did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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