Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
