i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
