it's too hot outside to masturbate.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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