I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Randomize
