Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
