i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Randomize
