Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Randomize
