Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
It was confusing and full of hummus
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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