And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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