holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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