Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
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Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
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These people don't understand my stages of drunk
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.