Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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