Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
