end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
