Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
