So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
