oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
