sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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