Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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