the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
