I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
