where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
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