Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
