I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
i don't like sucking hair
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
