I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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