I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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