Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
