Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
