Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Randomize
