I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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