Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
