Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you