im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.