Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people