Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
