Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
