if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
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I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
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I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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