He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
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while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
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Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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