i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
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