Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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