proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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