In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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