he wants to bone in the snuggie
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
