Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
