You just made me feel so damn special
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Randomize
