No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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