I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
