What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
My dad is sitting where you rode me
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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